When she kissed one
girl because her boyfriend spit
creative words out of his twisted mouth.
When she held two
deep breathes of cigar smoke
while it burned deep in her chest.
When she took three
hits of weed from a trumpet mouthpiece
and blamed the smell on smoldering roses.
When she was four,
she felt a hand down in her pants
and didn’t know to tell anyone.
When she hid five
condoms so her parents wouldn’t know
she wasn’t a virgin.
When she had sex six
times in one evening
in a bed that wasn’t her own.
When she chased seven
shots of moonshine
with ginger ale to soften the burn.
she gripped a blade and drew eight
deep lines into the skin
everyone seemed to loathe.
When she spent nine
years hiding her depression and anxiety
from her own fear.
She got ten
times the pain
when all she got was a turned cheek.