after Lynn Emanuel
and remember himself as someone else
who can find happiness in darkness, lightness
in despair, face glowing blue
in monitor-shine, conquering the cellar
of his own desires. Lovely, dissatisfied man-child,
content in his own unmaking. I remember us
at the stubborn table, dinner uneaten, and then the words
that can’t be stuffed back down my throat
and I see his fear – that he does not want
to be like me, his fear that he is
too much like me, his fear he will never leave
this soft flab of home.
I have loved him all his life,
dedicated myself to the act itself,
I have handed him the plate
from which he will not eat.
I have handed him the plate.
Dedicated myself to the act itself.
I have loved him all his life,
this soft flab of home
too much like me, the fear he will never leave
or be like me, his fear that he is.
And I see his fear – that he does not want,
that can’t be stuffed back down my throat,
at the stubborn table, dinner uneaten. And then the words,
content in their own unmaking. Remember us,
of your own desire, lovely, dissatisfied man-child,
in monitor-shine, conquering the cellar
in despair, face glowing blue.
Who can find happiness in darkness, lightness,
and remember himself as someone else?
previously published in Like Light: 25 Years of Poetry & Prose by Bright Hill Poets & Writers