When she kissed one
 girl because her boyfriend spit
 creative words out of his twisted mouth.

When she held two
 deep breathes of cigar smoke
 while it burned deep in her chest.

When she took three
 hits of weed from a trumpet mouthpiece
 and blamed the smell on smoldering roses.

When she was four,
 she felt a hand down in her pants
 and didn’t know to tell anyone.

When she hid five
 condoms so her parents wouldn’t know
 she wasn’t a virgin.

When she had sex six
 times in one evening
 in a bed that wasn’t her own.

When she chased seven
 shots of moonshine
 with ginger ale to soften the burn.

she gripped a blade and drew eight
 deep lines into the skin
 everyone seemed to loathe.

When she spent nine
 years hiding her depression and anxiety
 from her own fear.

She got ten
 times the pain
 when all she got was a turned cheek.